Recently I’ve been thinking about how great an impact the sharing of food can be on developing relationships. It’s such a basic act but it allows us to emotionally connect more than we realise – because by ensuring everyone eats we are showing care for one another; we are looking after each other.
The Bible has provided many instances in which the importance of sharing “the Lord’s supper” is emphasized, especially in the context of scarcity as seen in the story of Elijah and the widow (1 Kings 17: 1-16), and the idea of fellowship this represents. The word ‘companion’ even derives from the Latin word for bread, panis.
This is consistent across most cultures, too, for example; a ‘multi settlement hapu’ was formed around the campsites where Kai Tahu stored their food resources. Through this, important intra / inter-iwi relations were developed, and not solely around trade.
My own experiences with the importance of sharing food as a group identity is with my family. Every night it’s essential that we eat dinner together: it’s where we can give a rundown of our day and unwind – and apparently, some families don’t do always this. I was confused when I first stayed over at a friend’s house and we didn’t eat dinner with their parents – but maybe this was just because I was there. Though I’d be interested if anyone else has a similar story to mine!
Growing up, our family always made an effort to eat dinner together. I was not a big fan.
In all honesty, I still find it a little odd to eat in front of people. It’s always seemed like more of a test (‘which technique will she use on the spaghetti’, ‘can I eat this palak paneer without ruining this shirt’) than a loving social interaction. In a romantic context, the test can actually have social consequences if you make a particular mess of it, which stresses me out even more.
However, I do like the idea of meal sharing as a way of ensuring everyone is eating. In a way, because we all need food to live, sharing food indicates a sharing of more than just whatever is on your plate- it’s sharing a crucial part of your daily life with other people. That seems pretty special.
It’s interesting to see how strongly our consumption habits help us form a picture of what other things should look like: family and religion are just two examples that come to mind. As well as the strength of the habits, the diversity in them is also intriguing…
Thank you for your thought-provoking post!
Hannah
That’s really interesting that you were never drawn to family dinners – i’m always curious about how our values and identities found within groups can give us different experiences. Though I completely understand what you mean when you say eating around others feels like a test, I share this feeling a lot especially around people i’m less comfortable with. Thank you for your comment! 🙂
It’s interesting that you’ve picked up on the tendency for people to form emotional bonds over food; I often found in my early teens that, although my parents would get the bare minimum out of me for most of the day, when they forced me to sit down and eat with them, the floodgates would open and they’d hear about everything from how my day went to my opinions about the Second World War. Any other time, in absence of food, I’d be antisocial as usual.
What I’m getting at is, maybe there’s something deeper than the symbolic meanings that we’ve inherited. Maybe there’s a primal trigger to share information with those who will share food with you. Would you agree? Disagree?
I really like that idea! Are you thinking of it through a biological context, such as sharing emotional experiences over food has become sort of an evolutionary trait that humans have adapted in order to better survive through communities? I think that’s a really interesting point you’ve made, thanks!
Wow, that’s such a cool idea! I looked it up and this website seems to say that food definitely has a positive biochemical reaction (anti-stress, anti-distress). I guess that’s where comfort eating comes from! https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3907771/
Giving the Science Scholars a run for their money – this is actually awesome, thank you for taking the time to research this!
I related a a line of thought that really struck a chord with me in the reading for Bread & Wine with this post. It went something like cultures come to the dinner table with a ‘complex set of understandings’ and this is equally reflective of their behaviour towards each other. The same, of course, can be said for individuals. I really appreciate the way this post includes both interpersonal and cross cultural relationships and doesn’t make a strict distinction between the two, flowing from talking about one to the other. It actually makes me realise how how we interact with each other on personal level is reflective of how we act on a bigger social scale. The whole “buy me food and I’m yours forever” thing reminded me of, oddly enough, the Berlin blockade where the Soviet Union blocked all Western access to Berlin so the US (and NZ!) airlifted tonnes of food into the city. Obviously after this the bond between the Berliners and Western allies was stronger than ever and they utterly rejected the Soviets (which fair, the Soviets have a dismal history of keeping food from people [i.e. Holodomor]). Anyway, great post!
These are some really great points, and I agree with your reference to the reading, that in cultures there are the set of understandings at the dinner table. I also love that you’ve brought up the Berlin Blockade – I’m a huge history nerd and this is such an amazing connection to make to how food strengthens bonds. Thank you!
Like you, I also have been thinking about the impacts of sharing food together. As you hinted in your blog, this cross-cultrual aspect of food must make it quite special.
I guess the importance of sitting together, as a family, to share a meal is often underestimated or else taken for granted. Your blog post really left me questioning how on how essential to community development, and hence identity, is the sharing of food? I mean, take for example and family who does eat and talk together at the dinner table, and one who doesn”t. As you yourself pointed out, these dynamics are vastly different from eachother. Could we perhaps apply this logic to communities then? Are the dynamics of communities very different partially on the basis of if, and how, they share food perhaps?
I can completely relate to your point about eating dinner as a family!
My family and I have always eaten dinner together, this is a norm in my family and I too was very surprised when my friends didn’t all eat together as a family.
Dinner can be a busy time as there are usually 6 of us gathered round our table, reaching over each other to grab food as we talk non-stop about our day.
Now living in a hostel and after reading your blog, I reminisce these times. I now truely appreciate the essential “dinner talk” and realise how I once disregarded these special, and what I now believe to be vital times shared as a family.