My cultural identity has always stood at the forefront of my research interests. But I had neglected to consider the potential of it also becoming a barrier.
Throughout the discussion, I had resonated with Dr Jemaima Tiatia-Seath when she recalled the challenges you have to face as a young Pacific female researcher. But in some ways, I had allowed these [upcoming] trials to cloak myself from the default privileges I have.
Walking on the bridge in between being a potential researcher of Pacific people and a Pacific person myself. Professor Tracey McIntosh referred to this as being both an “insider” and “outsider.” A state that had to be tread carefully, as one world could compromise the integrity of the other.
In reflection, I’ve realized that I had wrongly assumed that being of Pacific descent gave me some sort of “intimate” immunity. But power and privilege exist in many forms, especially in ways I’ve become desensitized too. I felt perplexed, having to actively recognize and challenge my own presumptions and relative safeguards.
But only by doing so, has it given me a greater sense of confidence in the direction of my research and of the bigger picture- to benefit and serve my Pacific community.
Before this discussion panel, I had questioned my own power and authority to be a researcher. But I’ve learnt that a significant part of the research is making friends with failure, and seeing opportunities to explore instead of barriers.
Hence, I walk this path as an inside outsider, ready for and to change, one step at a time.
