Where do I go from here?

The first day of Arts scholars, I remember being perplexed when Sara brought in a Barbie in US army garb to discuss the gendered dimensions of war. 

 

I called myself a feminist back then (and I still am). But it wasn’t really grounded in any sense of “academia,” “facts,” or certitude. All I knew in my heart as a queer woman of colour, feminism and gender plays a big role in my daily life, and as such… Why wouldn’t it matter? This was my positionality and my background. 

 

I was gobsmacked when Sara said “there were discussions on ways to gender clothes to distinguish male from female soldiers.” I remember her slide showing Cynthia Enloe’s ‘Banana’s, Beaches, and Bases’ and being perplexed by the title – How do women, beaches, and bases relate… Why do I have to cite… Why is it important to talk about the stories not being told… How do I get out of HSB alive…

 

But I’ve learned a lot this year.

 

My last essay was about the ways gender is deployed to justify war (spoiler: it’s a lot) and all I can remember feeling (apart from the usual student dread) was excitement. I could feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins as I learned and understood more and more and more; my feelings and worries as a woman, a feminist, are grounded in truth/logic, and it was empowering. The concerns I had about the world around me were legitimized. 

 

As I was writing my essay all I could think about was google scholars’ motto: Standing on the shoulders of giants. 

 

The most common feeling I felt during this year’s school work was elation, the feeling that I’m soaring above clouds, learning more about things that both interested me and, I think most importantly, deeply affected me. 

 

I think that’s the beauty of Arts (and Arts scholars). The freedom we have as individuals, with our own backgrounds and positions in life, to research, learn, and understand the world around us. It’s simultaneously a tool for understanding ourselves, and to understand the world we were born into. It’s empowering to gain an understanding of the power structures against us and feel like secret spies trying to dismantle it – one research essay at a time, one citation a time. 

 

It’s easy to get lost in the sauce, the “Arts won’t get you a job” and the delegitimizing of Arts as a whole. It’s a curious tangential issue that subjects like business + STEM are encouraged, allegedly because they seek to exist within the current structures whereas arts, which seeks to elucidate the underlying structures of power, are discouraged. 

 

So where do I go from here?

Looking ahead to Arts Scholars 200/2nd year, I’m sure I’ll be getting lost in the sauce. But I’m sure in my position about the importance of what I am interested in. I’ll keep name dropping scholars like TIckner, Haraway, Sjoberg, and Risse-Kappen, stand on their shoulders, and uplift those after me. 

 

… Like a feminist human ladder