As coronavirus ravages through the world, I feel odd basking in inner peace. Solitude, and time with my family have left me with hours to enjoy the simpler pleasures that life normally gets in the way of.
Picking out tomorrow’s lunch recipe with my family the night before and gathering the next afternoon to chop vegetables, set the table, chat over stirring sauces, has become our daily time to bond. Mealtimes have become the highlights of our day. Public holidays have special importance, too. These days, we can pick and choose what to cherish. This morning, Easter, a holiday of death and resurrection, is particularly relevant. It’s important to me to have a higher sense of purpose and unity, find a common peace that goes beyond the 24 hours of my day and the 4 walls I am within. For the first time, perhaps all of humanity has a single shared experience.
One of the focus questions in the Malesevic reading was, “How has conflict, in particular war, shaped and developed the common morality of society? Would this have developed eventually without these conflicts?”
Re-reading this question brought to mind this morning’s New Zealand Herald headline:
Domestic violence is the second, silent epidemic amid lockdown.
This kind of conflict is one that festers below most societies. It doesn’t receive the same media coverage other conflicts do. This one wracks the weakest, rankles within relationships, and creates a personal hell that is often not spoken of.
Yesterday I took an evening walk and saw a child crying on their doorstep. Almost like a painting next to him, were his parents fighting, framed by the living room window. While this was most likely normal family tensions, it made me think about how each person (and family’s) experience during lockdown is different to that of others. For the children who found their escape at school, the men and women who dreaded coming home, this lockdown is not a time to reflect, to learn new recipes. They face a smothering kind of conflict.
I know somebody who lives in an abusive household, and I can’t imagine the nightmare she is living right now. Under job and wage uncertainties, the absences of our extended family and friends, a crisis affecting our health, and restricted freedom, it’s normal for relationships to experience the friction that comes with the stress and instability of a pandemic. Now imagine these circumstances imposed on households with toxic relationships and damaged dynamics – these will likely exacerbate.
It’s hard to know how you can support someone when you can’t even be within 2 meters of them.
The Internet is outpouring with concerns over domestic violence. Facebook groups are full of posts from concerned neighbors, offering help with groceries, ways to ease tensions, moral support. Even just saying, “I’m worried about you,” can be a source of strength for someone now trapped in an abusive household. In France and Spain, victims are encouraged to go to pharmacies and say mask-19. Telephone lines and online groups are advertised more than before.
Our unity against a common enemy has created a strong sense of community, despite social distancing. I’ve never seen such an outpouring of support online, from neighbors who had never spoken to each other before and parents of kids who go to the same school. This sense of community on the micro-level should be something to develop and use to protect those most vulnerable in our society.
We are proud of our status as a positive peace country, the second most peaceful in the world, as Dr. Allen said. But we are also wracked with this internal conflict on the micro level. This is a time to find peace on all levels. If victims know there is a supportive world out there, that they have options, shoulders to lean on, they will reach out for help. 1
While domestic violence is rising during this lockdown, supportive voices are also louder. Let’s keep it that way.
I think it’s safe to say that if it weren’t for the pandemic, today’s New Zealand Herald headline would be another. Covid-19 has had devastating impacts on so many levels, but it’s also strengthened our sense of community and heightened our concern for the most vulnerable. Let’s continue this awareness of domestic violence. Who knows, you could be the hook that can pull somebody out.
I’ve attached the article, for anybody who’s interested in having a look.
https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=12324237
- A survey in Australia of 400 frontline workers showed that 40% reported an increase in “pleas for help.” ↩
You have painted the picture of family relations within this pandemic so beautifully here in the descriptions of your neighborhood – I could almost see them unfolding in front of me as I read it. It is interesting that you mention domestic violence in conjunction with your own peace within your family. I find myself somewhat in the same position in my own neighborhood; I have been deeply troubled when the cries of my neighbours have shattered the spell of early morning sunrises day after day.
I recently had a conversation with a counselor friend of mine who described the heartbreak of counseling over the internet in these times. “It is difficult to disclose information about an abuser when said abuser if sitting in the same room,” she said. The reality of this pandemic for those living in abusive households is almost too much to bear. However, as you so rightly pointed out, supportive voices are now louder than ever before. I have been overwhelmed by the awareness and responses to domestic violence of those around me. The number of donations to the Women’s Refuge ‘Safe Night’ initiative has been soaring and media awareness of domestic violence through this pandemic overwhelming. Yes, let it stay that way! Because even when we see the other side of this pandemic, we won’t be seeing the other side of domestic violence.
Thanks for the post – really interesting and insightful!